Wedding Wednesday: I Fucked Up

So, last week I wrote a rant about RSVPs and my frustrations with our experience. I totally went off and said a lot of really mean things. I thought I had made it clear in my post that I was not angry at any one person or group of people in particular – however, I realized this week that I did not and made a lot of people I care about very, very angry.

And for that I am truly sorry.

I could try to explain my writing choices, I could talk about my emotional state, I could share everything that’s been happening that I don’t talk about to other people, I could plea exhaustion. But none of those things are an excuse for my choice. I chose to write a post and not sleep on it. I chose to make it live for the world to see. In doing so, I ultimately hurt and embarrassed people that mean the world to me. And I disappointed The Boy – which was the worst was feeling ever.

I have been able to apologize to a few people in person but I felt that it was important to share my poor choice and humble myself here – where it all started. I am truly sorry if I hurt anyone. I am very upset that people I care about had to feel so badly.

I am truly sorry.

 

 

 

To end things on a lighter note, here are some pictures of cute cats:

Comments

[marian meade]

Cris, I expect that this will be one of the most profound learning experiences of your life. I would say that most of us have said things that we've regretted and that others have not forgotten. And if we use the learning, it sets us off on a path of self-awareness and personal growth that we might not otherwise have encountered.
Cheers!
Marian

[Liz]

Seriously, don't beat yourself up too much about it. I had The Boy/friends/family members track down the missing RSVPs one-by-one, and people were all pissed about that. I'm guessing that, instead of being all, "Ugh, I suck at life," and apologizing for the oversight, people would rather direct those negative feelings at you for asking them about their lack of response. That happens all the time, whether you're talking about weddings or stuff that's TOTALLY unrelated.

The attitude we got was, "It's just ONE card!" Well, when 1 + 1 + ... ends up being 80% of your guest list, it gets STRESSFUL.

Obviously, you could have been more tactful, but you are getting married and are stressed like no one's business. It happens. I don't think someone's crazed bride moments should be held against them for life.

And, that still doesn't change the fact that they should have returned the cards on time.

[Meghann]

I had the very same thing happen to me recently. I wrote a post about guest lists, which my future mother-in-law discovered and proceeded to stop talking to me for a week over. When I read your post last week it was like a breath of fresh air. I was like, YES, someone who understands what I'm going through and isn't afraid to share it. That being said, I could have bet that some people were going to read it with a *tsk, tsk* and take it personally. Sometimes I think the only people who understand are the ones who are currently planning a wedding or recently planned a wedding (even people who planned one 5+ years ago have forgotten how crazy it gets). Sigh. I'm sorry that you have to say your sorry. Please feel free to vent any time - I for one have your back with it all.

[Rogue Bride]

"I could try to explain my writing choices, I could talk about my emotional state, I could share everything that’s been happening that I don’t talk about to other people, I could plea exhaustion."

These are ALL acceptable excuses. Anyone who tells you different needs to grow some compassion. Planning a wedding is the hardest thing I've had to do in my entire life. And, when you pile on starting a new job and re-doing your home (!!!), it's too much for anyone to handle gracefully. And when other people are intentionally, or unintentionally, making that entire process harder, I think they need to be understanding if you crack under the pressure. Frankly, they should realize how their actions and their choices affect other people, and most folks (who aren't planning weddings) have been too polite to tell them for years.

So HELLO Cris's emotionally wounded friends and family! Please, take it easy on her, find your compassion for a very stressed bride, and chill the F out.

Love you Cris. Even if you had written an entire post bashing me personally, at this point, I'd give you carte blanche. You have a wedding to accomplish, and I get it. You're trying to plan a beautiful, joyous day for everyone (yes, Everyone - planning a wedding is as much about our guests as it is about us, probably moreso) and when people don't cooperate, it's frustrating.

[Ariella]

I understand. As a fellow blogger, I definitely have to keep in mind that the stuff I write could possibly be read by friends and family. I have deleted a few posts that one could see as offensive. I've reworded plenty of sentences and censored myself on a lot of topics. Should have you thought about what you were writing and the implications that it could have had. Sure. Would you have posted it had you not been under an intense amount of stress or felt like it wouldn't have been help to other planning brides? No.

But, that being said, EVERYONE needs to think about their actions and those consequences. When someone doesn't RSVP after you've given them ample time to do so, it's inconsiderate. When people bring a date when they weren't invited with one, it's inconsiderate. When people get drunk at your wedding and start fights with other guests, that's INCREDIBLY inconsiderate. I know these are outside the scope your original post, but these are things people have gone through in the course of their wedding planning. Should we offer apologies for hurt feelings and offending our loved ones? absolutely. But I hope people can also start looking at themselves and see that their own actions can be equally as rude and disrespectful.

[RoRoLessThan3]

My Favorite sad and sorry cat photo: http://pinterest.com/pin/156429787026543002/