The Ranty Bride: Glass Clinking for Kisses? Needs. To. Die.

So, yeah, I got married. A recap is coming, but I feel this is an urgent issue to WHICH I MUST ATTEND. The clinking annoys me enough at other weddings, so when it happened at my own, I started mentally composing this post.

I don't know how this tradition started. It never made sense to me, given my overwhelming desire not to see people making out. ESPECIALLY, but certainly not limited to, family members.

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Image Courtesy of: One Wed

I know people make out and I understand the general logistics enough to be able to picture what it would look like for a given couple to do so in the event that I wanted said picture in my head. And I get that weddings involve a degree of kissing both by the newlyweds and other (drunk) guests. But the idea that I would ever want to actively engage in an action meant to allow me, the viewer, to watch some other people get kissy IN FRONT OF GRANDMAS, no less, completely floors me. It is especially horrifying to think that someone's PARENT would want to watch their child get all makey-outy (you can probably guess whose parent… ahem.).

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Image Courtesy of: One Wed

Look, even if you're pro-PDA, this should die for one reason in particular: the bride and groom need to eat. At your average wedding, they have approximately 12 seconds to do so. If your nerves are anything like mine, you probably didn't eat much for breakfast or lunch and therefore, are only running on pure adrenaline come 6 PM.

Adequate food = fewer meltdowns and/or drunken episodes.

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Image Courtesy of: Caroline Ghetes Photography

Clanging for a kiss or two when they first arrive? Fine, but then give the couple a break if they're not enjoying it. Especially if you're immediate family. You may think you're being cute and funny as you're clanging away each time the bride or groom picks up their fork, but, in addition to annoying someone who is probably already cranky because they didn't eat all day, wanting your family member (let's say, child, for the sake of example… ahem.) to kiss 500 times is also kind of creepy and weird.

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Image Courtesy of: CNN

Really, I think I hate the clanging tradition so much because those who abuse it are – let's face it – doing it to get attention. The focus of the day should be celebrating the bride and groom's happiness. If they're into it, by all means, clang away. But if it obviously makes them uncomfortable for whatever reason – and the reason isn't important – continuing to tap that glass is now all about YOU. And it's not about you, remember? Plus, coming from experience here, you're going to be the one who's mad when the happy couple didn't spend "enough" time with you at the reception, so if you actually let them eat in a timely manner, they'll have more time to spend with their guests afterward.

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Image Courtesy of: Black Bride

The bride and groom should be able to demonstrate their happiness in the way they're most comfortable. Trust me, they'll kiss on their own if they want to, so put down the damn knife.

What traditions do you want to see die?

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