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Let's be brutally honest here. Sex after a new baby… can really, really suck. From being potentially painful, to possibly awkward, to your body making weird new noises, to being uncomfortable with your post-baby body – it is just an odd experience. Add in the strain of a new baby, sleepless nights, and the fact that you and your partner are more than likely bickering all the time, what used to be a fun and emotionally fulfilling experience becomes stressful and raw. You might feel a lot of pressure because you know how it's “supposed” to be.
Well, DON'T. It's a whole new world, ladies, and you deserve to cut yourself (and your partner) some slack. Sex after baby can be awesome but it will probably take some time and patience to get there. So today, let's discuss having sex after a new baby and what you need to know about it.
More honesty, y'all. Really stop and think about what your body just went through and what you're about to ask it to do. Then, give yourself a break. All your pre-baby go-tos will probably need to be adjusted or replaced with a few new post-baby go tos. That doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you or your body – it just means that your life is different now and you need to be flexible. Here's a few tips, ideas, and suggestions from someone who's been there/done that:
Lube will be your new best friend. And not that drugstore stuff that worked before – get the good stuff. The REALLY good stuff. Your body is different now and probably still a little beat up so lube. it. up. Use as much as you need to and often. A lube like LELO's personal moisturizer really can be the difference between a your enjoyment and a painful experience.
You'll probably need more time. Foreplay is going to be really important now – mostly, because your body needs time to understand and process what's about to happen. So, if you need to get started on your own – do it. It's not weird and your partner may find it to be a real turn on. Sneaking off and using a vibrator is not only beneficial to you – lots of partners love it when they “catch” their lover. So pick up a killer vibrator (I like LELO's INA 2) and get going.
It's okay to hate your body. It's fine if you feel gross and/or unattractive in your post-baby body. Just remind yourself that this isn't about interacting with your partner in that way – it is about connecting on an intimate level so you can eventually get back to that point. It's also okay to make parts of your body off-limits. For many breastfeeding moms, it takes a few months before you're really ready for your partner to touch your breasts and it's perfectly okay to tell them that.
Ignore the hype. The Great Six Week Doctor's Appointment is most people's cue to make jokes about/ask you about having sex with your partner. Here's the deal – it's none of their business and you have my permission to tell them so. It is so easy to feel pressured to have sex the second you're cleared to. I understand, you feel bad fro your partner, you really love them, “everybody else did”, etc. But listen, if you're not ready then you are not ready. Give it a day, a week and reevaluate. In the meantime, you can still do other stuff.
Invest in really great condoms. Unless you really want to get pregnant right after you just had a baby – use a condom. Yes, there are lots of birth control options but many take a while to “kick in” so be safe (and stress free) and use a condom. If your guy doesn't like them – tough. This is about your safety and making this a stress-free experience. Grab a few of these amazing condoms from LELO and get your groove on.
Try to relax. I know, I know. This is one of the WORST THINGS to tell someone but… it's true. Relax. And I don't mean force yourself to relax (which never freaking works), I mean that you need to do whatever it takes to relax. Take a long bath, send the baby to grandma's house, drink a bottle glass of wine, watch a sexy movie. Whatever it takes (and however much time it takes) just do it. A relaxed body is a
You may need to change position. Again, and this is a reoccurring theme if you haven't noticed, everything is different now and what worked before may not at this time. You may have to try different positions until you find one that is comfortable for you. Angles matter in this post-baby sex world so move around and try them all. FYI, anything that allows you to be in control of penetration, depth, and speed is probably going to work better for you since it will allow you to be in charge and relax.
You may need an extra “hand”. Remember how you used to be able to get things going using just your or your partner's hands? Well, post-baby that might actually be irritating or uncomfortable to you. After all, your genitals have gone through a lot and may still need time to heal completely. In my experience, replacing hands with a multi-speed vibrator makes a world of difference. You can relax because you're more in control and the sensations are more consistent.
Accept that it may not be that great. Because it probably won't be. There's nothing wrong with you or your partner – it just is what it is. Your working with a new body here and your genitalia has gone through the wringer. Things are different and it takes time to adapt to that. If it is great – YAY! Good for you. But if it's not – no worries. You're not alone. Focus on the intimacy of being with your partner and how much you love them.
The takeaway from this whole thing? Invest in great products and do whatever it takes to relax and connect with your partner. I'm serious, y'all. Sex is a huge part of any relationship and it's important for you to talk about it with your partner. Struggling to how to bring it up? Well, Valentine's is coming and that's a perfect time to plan a special getaway or send the baby to the in-laws for an evening. Show your partner a few of these awesome goodies from LELO to get the conversation going. Be sure to let them know that LELO is offering Tulle Nation 20% off everything sitewide (using the code: KISSMYTULLE) then watch their eyes light up and get excited to reconnect again.