Wedding Advice: Talking About Health

Today’s post is going to tackle a touchy but really important subject. HEALTH. As in, the health and well-being of you and yours. Because let me tell you – you can each be hunky-dory with each other’s bodies and health choices…and then you get engaged. And BOOM! Suddenly, you start wondering if they could maybe get to the gym a little more often or maybe eat a few less Big Macs every day.

You are probably cringing inside right now – either because you think that I’m a huge superficial bitch. Or because… I’m right – you did think those things. Listen, here’s the thing about getting married that no one talks about. You do the ring thing, someone says yes, you both smile/kiss/hug/do it like rabbits that just got out of jail, and then reality sets in. You have just agreed to be with this person forever. Like, FOREVER forever. And that… can be a bit scary. Especially when one of you isn’t making the best decisions health-wise.

For me, the scariest thing about agreeing to marry The Boy was the health issue. As some of you know, I began a massive weight loss journey around Sepember of 2009 (After seeing this photo from my best friend’s wedding. I would also like to point out that I am not preggers in this picture - that is a giant fat roll.).

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The Boy and I in September of 2009 – Me at my largest. 

So, I started reading fitness magazines, joined an online food journal website, tried to substitute healthy food choices for bad ones, and began seriously working out. And, to date, I’ve lost about 40 pounds (I still have about 20-25 pounds left but that 40? Amazing to me.).

However, during this time, The Boy kinda fell by the wayside. He had retired from the military and was so happy that no one was telling him what weight to be that he stopped working out completely. So he gained weight. He knew it. I knew it. I still adored him and was attracted to him so it wasn’t a big deal.

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The Boy and I in August of 2010 – I was about halfway through my 40 lb. weight loss.

Then we got engaged, and suddenly – I was concerned about his health. Mostly, I was worried that we wouldn’t grow old together because he would have a heart attack first. Seriously. I panicked. So, we talked. We had one of those sit-down, serious, get-it-all-out-there talks (and one of us may have cried… not naming any names though.).

I told him that I was concerned about his health because I loved him and wanted him to live as long as possible. He told me that he was proud of how I made a goal and stuck with it but was concerned about my getting caught up on how much I weighed and not on how I felt. We discussed how be both agreed that (due to our ages) we both needed to be at a “normal” weight/BMI because that would be an important factor when we tried to have kids. And we talked about staying healthy for our future kids. We talked a lot.

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The Boy and I in January of 2007 – This photo inspires us to get back into shape and be healthy.

But you know what we didn’t talk about? How so-and-so needed to lose weight to be more attractive or how we didn't want to have sex anymore because of the flab. That wasn’t the point of our health concerns. And I’m guessing that if you’re thinking about your partner’s health – it’s not yours either. So, tell them that. Do not wait, do not sit and do nothing, do not ridicule or degrade them or the way that they look, do not force them to diet or work out. Do talk about it – because that will open the door to figuring out your priorities and goals as a couple.

So how about you readers? Are you concerned about your partner? Have you voiced those concerns? Or are you scared about how they’ll react? Let’s start a discuss and help each other out.