5 Things I’m Not Doing for My Children

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When you find out that you're expecting a child, a million thoughts fly through your head. You think about how you're going to manage things financially, you think about all the fun stuff you're going to do together, and you wonder what they'll look like. And then, very quickly, you start thinking about all the things you're NOT going to do. And let me tell you – you're probably going to DO every single one of those “I'll never do X with my kid” things once that little bald person hits the scene. However, I'm going to go ahead and proclaim 5 things I'm not doing for my children (and will probably eat crow later):

5 Things I'm Not Doing for My Children #parenting #pregnancy #baby #toddler #kid #children


1. I'm not doing your homework. I've been there, done that. I've done my time. I'm not doing it again. Look, I'll totally help you brainstorm ideas, create supply lists, show you how to do research, and even edit your papers. But DO the actual homework while you text on your phone? Kiss My Ass. Not happening. And no, I don't care if you fail. You can do summer school or online classes to catch up or you can fail out of school and become a stripper – it's YOUR choice. I will be there to help you – but I WILL NOT do it for you.

2. I'm not going to let you win. I know, I know… we're supposed to let you win but whatever. Sometimes people are losers. In fact, MOST of the time, people lose. It's called life, kid, and you need to learn to lose so that you understand how to handle the disappointment and self-doubt that come with it. Sure, if we play a game, I'm not going to full out hammer you but allow myself to lose so that you only know how to win? Bullshit.

3. I'm not giving you an allowance. This advice of giving your kids money automatically every week (and not even for doing chores) is bullshit. No one pays ME to do nothing. If I want money then I have to work for it – as will you. If you'd like to make some money then we'll always have jobs around the house that you can do to earn a set fee. And if you'd like to buy something big then you can do several different jobs (each for a different set fee) and save the money up to pay for it. That's called being fiscally responsible.

4. I'm not buying you stuff outside of Christmas or your birthday. You know what makes birthdays and Christmas special? Getting the stuff that you've wished for all year. And if I spend the whole year buying you everything that you want – what's left to wish for? I'll keep you in clothes (not designer) and school/sports gear and if we see something cool and affordable at a garage sale – I may get it for you. But just buying you a new phone or toy because you want it? Not. Going. To. Happen. Learn to appreciate shit, kid.

5. I'm not spending money on your prom or wedding. Not my prom. Not my wedding. I paid for 75% of my own prom gown and tickets/dinner and your dad and I paid for our entire wedding. Sure, we're happy to pitch in – within reason. If you want that $500 gown for your prom then I suggest you get yourself a damn job to pay for it. Want a fabulous wedding? I'll pitch in and help DIY decor and offer suggestions but otherwise, be prepared to pony up.

What 5 things are you not doing for your children?