The Ranty Bride Tackles Boys and Wedding Registries

From Cris: I’m so excited to introduce a brand spankin’ new column here on Kiss My Tulle – y’all know and lurve The Ranty Bride, Liz? Weeell, she’s has kindly signed on as KMT’s newest regular contributor. That’s right, y’all – every other Tuesday, Liz’ll be dropping it bloggista-style. She’ll also be taking on your rants, questions, concerns, and personal wedding-related issues. So, feel free to email her anytime at liz@kissmytulle.com with your questions. Now, sit back, keep hands and feet safely inside the ride, and away we go!

 

Ladies, I am here to tell you that guys do not and will not get the concept of wedding registries*. *unless they're at Home Depot, Best Buy, or a similar store.

The Boy and I have had some version of the following conversation 50 times:

Boy: "Didn't you just get bowls for your shower?"

Me: "Yes."

Boy: "Green ones?"

Me: "Yes, but that's a centerpiece bowl and not a chip and dip."

Boy: "Can't you use it for chips?"

Me: "I guess."

Boy: "…and haven't we lived this long without a dedicated chip and dip bowl?"

Me: "You don't even like dip, so you don't know."

See, they are under the impression that "we" register for things "we" need "for the house." To them, that means nails, circular saws, HDMI cables, and biscuit jointers (WHICH THEY WILL NEVER USE unless they suddenly get into making cabinets… but I digress). They will complain that they aren't getting anything you, as a couple, really need. They will show manly solidarity and insist on buying gifts off any home improvement registry they come across belonging to friends or family members.

 
Image Courtesy of: Real Simple

I fully believe that wedding registries traditionally benefit women because they are usually the ones having to deal with the DIY crafting, drama from relatives, decisions on annoying things like napkins, and basically have to shoulder the full responsibility for the overall success or failure of the entire wedding. When we're beating our heads into the wall over yet another unresponsive vendor or "helpful suggestion" from FMIL, we can at least console ourselves with black and white boxes dancing in our heads.

 
Image Courtesy of: Wedding Registries Web

In all seriousness, your wedding registry helps make your house feel like a home. You know that. Guys do eventually appreciate that, but it's a tough sell, and a realization that usually only comes with time. Eventually, they'll say something like, "I like how my wife decorates," or, "Our house smells nice," recognizing that the situation would be different without your presence. But, in the meantime, how do you win the battle of the wedding registry with the man in your life?

• Ask your father or other adequately manly role model to buy a manly gift for your husband-to-be. They will be happy to do it (see: manly solidarity).
• Appeal to their practical side. For example, "I have to register for the whole set at once, while they're still selling it. Remember when you bought one end table and always kicked yourself for not getting the other one while they were still being made?" This area can also consist of, "Old people won't give cash, so we need to have ___ gifts on there. We can return it afterward." This works especially well if they have grandmothers and mothers who behave, in their opinion, oddly (because they are women).
• Play the emotional card, like, "I was picturing holidays at our house, and I know how much you love Christmas, so I registered for a whole slew of entertaining serveware so I can give you the best holidays ever."
• Let the results speak for themselves. Left to their own devices, guys will never replace the same scratchy, holey towels they bought for their first dorm room. When you hear, "Where'd we get these? They're really nice," you're golden.

 
Image Courtesy of: Phoenix Wedding Alterations

They'll never know how they ever lived without that Sodastream. Or stand mixer. Or Breville Compact Smart Oven. You know, for example.