Well, it’s Wedding Wednesday again. And this time – it’s a biggie. We are T minus one year from…Cris and The Boy’s wedding. Eeeeee! Omgomgomgomg!
At least, that’s what I was saying to myself last night when I was checking my calendar and realized that I have one year until my wedding and. I. Have. No. Guest. List.
[insert shocked inhales, sharp looks, and whaaaaats?]
Image Courtesy of: Wedd-ing
Yep, it is true. I am getting married in one year, I have already booked a photographer, and have a deposit down for a cake vendor (whose quote is based upon a totally fictional guest count!) – and I have NO guest list. It’s not all my fault though.
A couple of months ago, The Boy and I each took the time to sit down and write out our individual guest lists. I then dutifully plugged in each name into my Wedding Wire guest list tracker. And there they sat…waiting until the day that we declared them “in” or “oot” (hee. Canadians.).
Image Courtesy of: The Man Registry
See, I really can’t do anything else with the guest list until our freaking families freaking send us their freaking guest lists. I am maybe a little bit frustrated. See, several months ago, I asked our families to please send us their lists. Please. I don’t need addresses, just names, just something so that we can draft a list. So, please, dear parents – send me your lists.
And nothin’. And every time since then that I have asked about sending a guest list, I’ve gotten the old, “Oh, I know. I’ll do it.” And, NOTHING. It’s been months now and I have NO guest lists from these people. And I’m getting to the point in our wedding planning where I really, really need a guest count. Because y’all know that the difference between 100 guests and 150 guests to a wedding budget is astronomical (and since we’re paying for this shindig ourselves – we REALLY care about the total guest count).
So I’m begging you, Tulle Nation – help me. How in the hell do I get our families to turn over their lists? What do I say? What do I do? How long is too long to wait patiently? Have any of your run into this issue before? How did you handle it? Help me!
craftosaurus says
1. You have a whole year. It will be ok, I promise. Lots of people plan an entire wedding in less than a year.
2. Um, if you’re paying for the wedding (and even if you weren’t), why do your families get to invite whoever-the-heck/as-many-people-as they want?
3. I would strongly recommend
A)setting a deadline (“if you don’t send me your lists by x date, I’ll assume you don’t have anyone you’d like us to include”)
B) figuring out a number of placeholder spots (“we ran the numbers and determined that we can allocate x number of guests to each side of the family. please send the names and addresses for up to x people by [date you plan to send invitations, minus two weeks], when we’ll be addressing our invitations”), or
C) coming up with your own list that includes who you think should be invited, and sending each family’s list to your parents (or whoever you’re waiting on), and saying “here’s what we’ve come up with… did we forget anyone?” (and again with giving them a response date/deadline)
Hmm… am apparently having a very blunt/no-nonsense kind of day!
KissMyTulle says
Thanks Dana and Craftosaurus, Sounds like I just need to pick a deadline and put my foot down. I really do what to make sure that their “must-haves” make it (I think it would make the party more enjoyable for them) but I guess if it’s not important enough for them to let me know who those peope are…then they must not be important enough to invite.
J (Sparkly Love) says
In my case, my future MIL announced the second we got engaged that there were 4 girl friends I HAD to invite since she didn’t have close family. I asked if there was anyone else she wanted and she said no. My mother never said a word because she didn’t want me to feel “pressured” since we were the ones paying. I let her know that since MIL was having 4 she could have a handful of her own if she likes, and she rattled the names off immediately.
In your case, I definitely think a firm time is needed. They are probably thinking “her wedding isn’t for a year, why does she keep asking.” But they don’t know all the things going on in your head. They don’t feel the anxiety that grows from being frozen in your planning, of having more you want to do or feel you need to do, and can’t because you are waiting on this one thing.
Even though I had all the names from my parents and his, I sent an e-mail on a Monday and said “I’m placing the order for my Save the Dates on Friday. If I don’t hear anything, I’ll assume the list below is final.” And attached the invite list. Of course, in my case, even after the invites were MAILED we got additions, so it’s all about how flexible you are willing to be, but that’s another problem for another day!
KissMyTulle says
J,
See, that’s one of my dilemmas – I know that we still have a year but our cake vendor books a minimum of a year out and needs a guest count + we’re planning on serving wild Coast shrimp (which we’ll pick up for a song throughout the summer) but we need to know guest #s to know how much to buy!
Oy.
I do like your plan to email with a deadline. Seems that’s everyone’s (excellent) advice.