Wedding Wednesday: I’ve Got Wedding Questions and Need Your Help

Today’s Wedding Wednesday brings y’all a buttload of questions. LOTS of questions. From me. ‘Cause y’all, I GOTS to know what in the hell I’m supposed to do with this here weddin’ plannin’. So, this is the post for all you wedding planners, vendors, real brides, newlyweds, big mouths, etc. – I NEED YOU!

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Image Courtesy of: Ars Magna

FYI, I had an impromptu, small wedding in Alaska (due to my father’s terminal cancer diagnosis) but I’m still planning a full scale wedding in May here at our home in Texas. That has resulted in an amazing memory but lots of new, unique issues – ones that I’m struggling to try and work out.

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Image Courtesy of: Ryan Ray

Question #1: Do I still send invitations to the Texas wedding to the Alaskans who went to my quickie ceremony? I’d love it if they could come but worry that I’m looking like I’m trolling for gifts (which I am absolutely not!).

Question #2: Do I use the same ceremony from the first wedding in the second? Would it be weird if I wrote a brand new one? Who am I gonna get to officiate it now that my dad is gone?

Question #3: Is it okay to do some kind of tribute or memorial to my dad (whom we both loved) and not to his mother (who I only met once and The Boy was estranged from for over 3 decades)?

Question #4: Do I need to include the fact that we are already married on our wedding invitations or on the website?

Question #5: Is it still okay to accept gifts at the May wedding even though we’re already married?

Question #6: I invited my bat shit crazy sister to my Alaska wedding (I HATE her and so does The Boy – we do not want her to know where we live). Do I have to invite her to the May wedding? I’m inviting the rest of my family and would like to invite her 13 year-old son (who lives with her).

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Image Courtesy of: Wedding Pictures

If any of you can answer any of my questions (or just have an opinion) PUHLEESE help me! I am still befuddled from my dad’s death last month and I’m really freaking out about much wedding planning I have to fit into the next six months. Thanks, y’all – you’re the bestest readers ever.

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  • Lots of really good questions Cris and a few I’m sure many other brides have too! Here’s my thoughts ~
    1. Yes, still send invites! I don’t think this implies a gift is required, and if your guests are lovely enough to give you another then who’s complaining?!
    2. Can you keep the intent & feel of the ceremony the same but change the wording and content to make it a bit different? Having a different officiant will change the feeling of your wedding too. Besides, you want all of your friends and family to witness the same promises and commitments, remember they haven’t seen it before!
    3. I think you most certainly should tribute your Dad, if neither of you want to tribute your husbands Mum and you don’t think you will be offending anyone then don’t. It’s your day
    4. How about wording the invites to say ‘a celebration of your marriage’ rather then marriage ceremony? Will most guests already know you’re married? Maybe you could include part of your story in your invite or on the website?
    5. Same as 1!!
    6. You might not like your sister, but how will it affect your day if she is there? Will it be a nightmare, or can other family members ensure she doesn’t ruin your special day? Likewise, is it going to cause the rest of your family offense if she is or isn’t invited?

    Hope that helps!!


  • #1. If you would have invited the Alaskan people to the Texas wedding if the first wedding didn’t happen, then yes send them an invite! They’ll appreciate it and I think you will feel better about it.

    #2. I don’t think it’s weird to make a new ceremony. There are MANY commitments and promises that can be made during a marriage ceremony, maybe mix in some others you didn’t include last time. I don’t think the wedding should feel like a repeat to you and it may be weird if it is too similar considering your father did officiate last time. Do you have any great friends that would be willing to get ordained?

    #3. Yes absolutely. No need to give tribute to someone who wasn’t meaningful to you.

    #4. Not necessarily but I would think most people you invited already know… or do they not? It might be sweet to include the back story as part of a tribute to your father. I think people would love to here it.

    #5. Yes girl, never say no to gifts.

    #6. No of course not, but then you probably can’t invite her son. She will definitely figure out where you live and likely be even more crazy knowing she got snubbed.

  • 1. Yes – still send invitations. An invitation is not a method of “trolling for gifts;” most people just think it is. Technically wedding guests do not have to get you a gift.

    2. I think you should pieces of your ceremony to create a new one. As far as officiating, can you have some one get ordained who is close to you? I’m ordained and my aunt is ordained for that very reason. It’s free online. That way you still have that sentimental connection, rather than hiring someone you don’t know.

    3. The biggest rule of weddings – It’s your wedding. You are absolutely welcome to do a tribute to your father and to no one else if you so choose. 😉

    4. I recommend putting something like “celebration of the marriage of Kris and The Boy” that way guests who don’t know you’re already married sort of get the hint. I would even explain it on your website. I think most people would find and appreciate the meaning behind your quickie ceremony, to be quite honest.

    5. Yes, absolutely.

    6. Yes, you should still invite her. I know that’s probably not what you wanted to hear, but it’ll be best in the long run, even if you never talk to her after your wedding.

  • here’s what I’m thinking:
    1. yes, still send invites to your Alaska guests – you could even include modified wording to say something along the lines of how you’d love to have them celebrate with you in Texas if at all possible
    2. I think it’s totally ok to have a new ceremony – maybe a friend or other relative could officiate for you?
    3. Yes, definitely pay tribute to your dad, for the boy’s mom – if she didn’t have a huge impact than it’s totally ok to not pay tribute. The wedding has to be what it right for the two of you
    4. I agree and think it should say something about a “celebration of our marriage” and it would be super special to include the story about your wedding in Alaska and as a tribute to your father who I’m sure was so proud of you that day.
    5. Absolutely, it’s ok
    6. this is tricky – if you aren’t inviting her then you wouldn’t be able to invite her son without her knowing. If other family is aware of the situation, I think they would be able to help keep the peace for the day if you want her son to attend. She may end up not even coming due to distance.

  • Thanks all. Good to bounce this off people and get everyone’s thoughts and opinions.

    And Jessica, yep – since we’re already legally married we can have anyone (hell, even our dog!) officiate the 2nd wedding… it’s technically just a ceremony.

  • been thinking this over, and here are my thoughts:
    1. Yes. Definitely include them in the formal wedding invites. And then feel free to follow up with a phone call or enclosed note that says how much you both appreciated them sharing in your Alaska day. Don’t include your registry slip with these if you don’t want to ask them for a gift (or don’t include it at all, and let people ask where you’re registered if they want a gift). For us, with everyone traveling, we won’t include a registry slip for those people. Folks who aren’t going are sure going to get one 😉

    2. Do you love the original ceremony script? If so, do it. you’re still celebrating your marriage. And I’m sure those promises you made to each other still apply. If you want to tweak it a bit, then do it. Bottom line? your day. do what fits you (sound familiar?!?!)

    3. Yes. absolutely yes. just because someone is related by blood, doesn’t mean they are truly your family.

    4. this one may be fitting for a wording tweak. either “invite you to celebrate our marriage”, or “join us as we exchange vows” – there’s very subtle ways to do it without saying “hey, we did it, come watch us do it again”. it still has the same meaning it did before, right??

    5. yes. even if you don’t register, don’t want gifts, chances are people will give them to you anyway as a way to show their love for you guys. accept them with grace and gratitude in the manner they are given.

    6. ok, this is probably where I will differ with some of the others. I’m going back to the “it’s your day, do what you want”. if there’s someone you don’t want at the wedding, don’t invite them. i don’t care if it’s family. now with her son, that’s where it gets tricky. kinda hard to invite a minor, without inviting the adult responsible for him. how likely is the son to be there if she isn’t there? is it worth sending the invite if he won’t attend…? maybe it’d be better to not invite either of them? or include his invite with another family member that he’d be traveling with? just some brainstorms…

  • I am having some of the same issues!! My “husband/fiance” and I eloped earlier last year(for less important reasons like military benefits) and our “wedding” is the end of March. Our first wedding was on a whim and we just had a couple friends witness.

    Here are my thoughts:
    1. I would definitly send invitations to the Alaskans. I think it would be worse to hurt feelings by not inviting someone than to possibly look like a gift-grabber. Plus, no one that knows you well or cares about you will think this.

    2. I totally used your original ceremony as a skeleton/outline for ours (my future brother-in-law is “marrying” us since we are already married so anyone can) and I think it’s great. I also know that it’s nearly impossible to find anything better than that to guide you. I would change some of the intros and maybe have the person who you chose this time talk about the meaningfulness of your Dad officiating the first time. This will change the ceremony for sure but like Louise said not everyone has seen the original.

    3. Absolutely!!! Yes!

    4. I haven’t because I don’t want to get into it with older generation family members, but if you think it’s appropriate for you guys then go ahead but by no means do I think you “have to.” I think our invites say something like “exchange of vows” rather than marriage, but it just happened to be the original wording of the design I liked best.

    5. Yes, of course. I think if you don’t provide registry information people get confused and buy you weird things that you can’t return. Plus, you guys are still entitled to gifts in my book. If you feel uncomfy about it, maybe on your registration page on your website you can say something like “your presence is our gift” or suggest a place for people to donate. I would take the gifts ; )

    6. I think if she’s likely to cause a scene, she doesn’t get to come but if you are going to spend time having to answer to others why she isnt there, and then end up talking about her when you should be enjoying yourself… then I would invite her and ignore her : )