More Shit I’ve Said to My Baby

// This is an old post from a now defunct blog of mine. It's still funny. //

So, my baby is seven months oldI'm a crappy mother, and (since it was so popular before) here's more shit I've said to my baby this week:

More Shit I've Said to My Baby #parenting #badparentingmoments

“Leave that fossil alone!” (moments before she dropped it on her finger)

“Hold still while I pull this long hair off your cookie.” (for the record, it was one of my hairs)

“No. You have to give me kisses before I'll give you boobies.”

“STOP LICKING THE FLOOR!” (said multiple times a day)

“Please don't fart on my head.”

“I will kiss your, kiss your, kiss your little butt.”

“Get off the printer!”

“Does that book taste good?”

“Why, why, WHY do you eat the dog's fur?”

“Melanie, it's not okay to kick your Daddy's nuts.”

I am a terrible mother.