The Ranty Bride {Liz Lewis}: The One Where I Tell Everyone To F-Off

Stop telling me how to feel, dammit.

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Image Courtesy of: Flair Bridesmaids

I'm tired of the shocked and appalled looks I get from people (OK, women) who don't get why I CANNOT WAIT for my wedding to be OVER already.

Some girls plan their weddings from the time they were born. Actually, I'm guessing you really start around age 5, because I have a hard time believing babies think about this sort of thing. But, I guess I really don't know what babies think about, so anything's possible. Regardless (shocker, I know) I am not one of those girls.

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Image Courtesy of: Wedding by Color

Fact is - I never wanted a wedding.

Don't get me wrong, I wanted to get married. That's a distinctly different beast, though. You can be married without a wedding. Hell, you can even do it the other way around if you're not so concerned with that pesky legal recognition issue.

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Image Courtesy of: Scott and Tem Photography

I wanted to elope. My fiancé wanted the big family wedding.

In the spirit of compromise, I agreed despite my serious reservations involving my ability to tolerate putting such an event together and my ability to tolerate my often overly dramatic family (and, little did I know, his would be just as bad, if not worse). I went balls to the wall on wedding planning. I am not one to do ANYTHING half-assed, let alone something as huge as a wedding.

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Image Courtesy of: Rod-or-Rick

Of course, the minute you start planning a wedding, the input and commentary starts flowing in whether you want it or not. In case you haven't noticed, I'm not so great at quietly listening to unsolicited advice. I quickly became overwhelmed with all of the input.

Do what's best for you, right? Well, I'm even worse at handling unsolicited input AFTER I already made a decision. And weddings? Involve 500,000 decisions and therefore 500,000 opportunities for people to give you their opinions.

There's genocide in Africa and people are giving me crap about napkins?!

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Image Courtesy of: Ruckas Pictures

The way I see it, planning a wedding is kind of the same as a big birthday party. Would someone call you to "discuss" (or, complain about) your choice in cutlery for your birthday party? How is this necessary or even NORMAL for a wedding?

I've said it before: the important part is we're getting married, and have someone there to do it legally. The rest is just FLUFF.

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Image Courtesy of: WYCD Radio

So, yeah – I want to be married and get this wedding over with so I can get my life back. I'm sick of my house looking like Hurricane Michael's came barreling through (right now, it's a Category 3). I'm tired of people calling me to solve things that are, in the end, NOT MY PROBLEM. Would you call the birthday boy/girl if you cheaped out on rental cars for their party and couldn't figure out how 10 people were going to share? No. So figure it out. I'm tired of the family members on both sides who seem to think they are the #1 priority in this wedding. Last time I checked, as long as the fiancé and I are there with witnesses and a minister, the marriage will still happen, so unless you are one of those people, it's not about YOU. I'm tired of trying to cram in hours of crafting after work in an attempt to have a nice wedding on a tight budget. Oh yeah, and remember that part where I also have chronic migraines? On a good week, I have one doctor's appointment. This week? I had four that I had to fit in along with getting the marriage license, tracking down vendors (ours have been great, for the record), and wrapping silverware.

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Image Courtesy of: Dex Knows

Above all, I am really, really tired of having to justify every single teeny decision I've made. Not all are easy to make, you know, so I have put a lot of thought into this and am not just trying to crap all over your feelings/kids/choice in pants/whatever. I'm throwing a party, not curing cancer, people. As long as we get married legally, the day is a success in my book.

Just because I'm not excited about the wedding doesn't mean I'm not really excited to get married. And isn't that what's really important?

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  • “Last time I checked, as long as the fiancé and I are there with witnesses and a minister, the marriage will still happen, so unless you are one of those people, it’s not about YOU.”

    THANK YOU!! I am having a really hard time getting past this one. I WAS so excited to plan the wedding and now, I’m just ready to get MARRIED.

  • Thank you for the nice comments and support!

    @rogue bride – it was EVERYTHING. Not doing save-the-dates, not having a day-after brunch, not doing big memorial flowers at the church, not doing the mother/son, father/daughter, bridal party dances, not taking 5 million family pictures of every combination of people known to man, etc. I mean, I got GRILLED for an hour about my choice to have the reception in a park because a family member COULD NOT BELIEVE I didn’t have concerns about the weather, based on the totally false assumption that we were sticking everyone outside and not in an actual, walled building (which was the case – it even had heat, OMG). We got crap for talking about not having the wedding in Cleveland, then when we decided to have it in Cleveland. My grandmother threw fits that she wasn’t “honored with an invitation” when she was included with the aunt/uncle she lives with.

    Hell, I even got crap about wearing a cardigan over my dress for pictures when it was like 45 degrees outside. “You’ll REGRET IT later.” Yes, I’m sure that wearing a cardigan in some of my wedding pictures will be right up there with life’s greatest regrets, like not doing more to stop the genocide in Darfur and my parents choosing Betamax over VHS.

    Frankly, I think MORE people should wear cardigans. No one wants to see that.

    Weddings used to be about celebrating the bride and groom and giving them a great start in their new lives together. Most of the decisions that had people pissed off – with the exception of putting the Cha Cha Slide on the “no” list – were made because we were on a very tight budget. All of this stuff costs money, and while I wanted everyone to have a great time (and most said they did, and appreciated not having all the fluff), we didn’t want to go into huge debt to give people stuff that they were convinced a wedding NEEDS. Especially when it was stuff we didn’t want anyway.