I come to you this Wedding Wednesday with a bad, bad mood. I’ve been struggling the last week with some depression lately (my birthday was the one month mark from my dad’s passing and it hit me really hard) and I'm having a difficult time bouncing back into the fun and sunshiny “I’m planning my wedding!” mood. How’s that for keepin’ it real in the blogosphere. Honestly, I’ve tried really hard to keep my sadness and anxiety over it all away from Tulle Nation because really, who wants to listen to someone boo-hooing all the damn time? But then it hit me – this is tough for me and Wednesdays are the day that I hand y’all personal stuff so… there it is. Not pretty but very, very real.
But! Now that I’ve gotten all that honesty off my chest – off to today’s post!
Today, I’d like to talk about making your own moments during wedding planning and the wedding itself. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately (after I participated in recording a podcast with Hindsight Bride, The Rogue Bride, and The Thirtysomething Bride last weekend and it came up). My engagement and wedding planning have been anything but traditional. First, I’m planning a wedding on a SUPER budget, at our house, and DIYing most everything. Second, we’ve already gotten married. And third, I’ve been the happy recipient of several freebies.
And the freebies are what started my discussion on making your own moment during the podcast recording – specifically, getting my wedding dress for free (y’all HAVE visited The Wedding Dress Project, right? Go, go, go, go, GO!). Having Liz share her wedding dress with me has been one of the most amazing experiences of my life. Not only did it allow me to have a far more beautiful dress than I ever could have gotten on my teeny budget but it has also blessed me with an incredible new friend. I am truly thrilled to have Liz and Luke in my life.
But! Sometimes even the most amazing things can have a downside. In this case, I missed out on the whole “shopping for my wedding dress” experience and that “finding THE ONE” moment. So not a biggie but a slight bummer none the less. I’m not a showy-offy kinda gal but after several months, I realized that I actually did want that moment. I really wanted to have that time when you walk out in The Dress and everyone stops and “oohs” and “aahs” and maybe even tears up. Silly, stupid, and a little selfish but true.
Then in early December, my mom called to tell me that my dad had taken a dramatic turn for the worse. In fact, he was completely comatose and probably would not live through the weekend. I immediately flew up to Alaska and hunkered down with my family to spend the remaining days of my daddy’s life with him. However, before I had left Texas – I packed my wedding gown. See, originally it had been planned that I’d bring it with me and my childhood best friend would make my wedding jewelry over the holidays. And, selfish me – I wanted that. I really, really, REALLY wanted that memory. So… I schlepped that fifteen pound dress up north with me.
And that’s when something really cool happened. My family wanted to see it. In fact, they basically demanded that I put it right on and show them. So, we turned it into a moment. Everyone gathered around my dad’s bed and my niece helped me into my gown in my parent’s bathroom. I walked out and… everyone stopped and “oohed” and “aahed” and there were tears. And I held the train of the dress up to my dad’s wasted hand so that he could feel the fabric and beading. And I asked him if he liked my dress. He grunted.
I’m taking that as a yes.
There are no pictures of my moment. I chose not to have them. But I will always have the memory of sharing my dress with my family and my sweet daddy. I made my moment and I’m not ashamed of it nor do I feel selfish for doing it. It was easily one of the best things that I have ever done and I will always, always have that special memory.