I got the cutest (and most honest) little bridal rant from a reader last week and I just HAD to share it with y'all. Liz Lewis is a bride planning her own wedding while also participating in the weddings of various guests. And she's got a few opinions on modern twists to wedding etiquette – take it away Liz:
Wedding planning brings up all sorts of etiquette questions. While wedding sites are helpful and cover quite a bit, there are many situations that Emily Post never anticipated. The following points of wedding etiquette are completely based on my own experiences. I’m sure that you'll have your own additions and opinions!
Image Courtesy of: Elm Hurst Inn
Feed people during food times. If you can't afford a full meal then schedule your ceremony and reception outside of normal meal times (late evening, for example) or consider asking family or friends if they can help by cooking something. Whatever you do, let guests know what to expect in the invitations or on your wedding website.
Image Courtesy of: eHow
Feed your bridal party well – especially if they're tied up all day with pictures, hair appointments, and/or manual labor. If nothing else, it’s an insurance policy against wardrobe malfunctions, goldfish shots, excessive sweating, and otherwise being that guy.
Image Courtesy of: Details Planning Company
Having no bar is better than a cash bar. If you want alcohol and can't afford a full open bar, limit it to just beer, wine or some signature drinks. Or, limit the time the bar is open. If you insist on having a cash bar then make sure that something non-alcoholic is covered. Guests don't come to weddings with cash in hand, ready to pay for soda or iced tea.
Image Courtesy of: Dex Knows
Provide maps and a clear timeline for your bridal party so they know where to be and when. If you expect members of your bridal party to drive themselves around on your wedding day - make sure they know that in advance. While we're on transportation, renting anything with a built-in stripper pole guarantees someone will dance on it. Whether that’s a pro or a con is your call.
Image Courtesy of: Mint.com
Just because Target sells it doesn't mean it belongs on a registry. If you already own the basics, it’s understandable to register for some non-traditional gifts like camping gear or a piece of furniture that you plan to get with your completion discount. That said – buy your own 47" TV, laptop, Wii, PS3, and XBOX 360 Halo Edition (all of which I saw listed on one recent registry). If you really want that $1200 TV, register with a site that lets your guests make contributions towards a larger purchase so a number of people can pool their money (like Deposit-a-Gift).
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Despite what my mom says, save-the-dates are not required. If you send them, make sure your list is set. Otherwise, it's going to be pretty obvious when someone's on the B-list.
Image Courtesy of: My Wedding Planning Tips
Think long and hard before you have the gentleman who catches the garter put it on the lady who catches the bouquet. I don't know how this tradition started, but I have never seen it end well. NEVER.
Planning a wedding really isn't much different than inviting people over to your house, etiquette-wise. Don't talk about the party to someone who may not be invited. If you invite someone over at meal time, feed them. When they ask what they can bring to the party, don’t ask them to bring beef tenderloin when you’re only providing pretzels.
And, please, don't make them pay for drinks.
Thanks, Liz. So Tulle Nation, do you agree with Liz and her opinions on modern wedding etiquette? Do you have something that you'd like to add? Did you also laugh so hard that you snorted when you read the advice about nixing the stripper pole in the limo (No? Just me?)? Fire away in the comments!
Deb says
All great modern ettiquette tips, although I’m pro on save-the-date cards. Early last year I’d heard in the wind that there were four weddings upcoming and as I was booking two different vacations as well, I was VERY happy to receive the cards ahead of time to confirm 1) I would be invited; and 2) what the wedding dates were. Of course I love anything to do with ‘branding’ so STD cards are yet another opportunity to do something all your own and original to bring excitement and wet the appetite of those invited!
As for the stripper pole…there was definitely snorting here! 😉
Sarah {A Paper Proposal} says
Great tips! I’m a bridesmaid in a wedding this weekend, and a few of these really ring true for me right about now! 🙂
Liz says
Cris is right on. Save the dates are super-helpful for people making travel arrangements. My *local* family, however, would not drop the fact that we didn’t do save the dates, and over a year out, no less.
How many times do I need to tell one person, “October 15th”? There have been lots of weddings throughout history without save the date cards, and somehow, a) humanity survived and b) people attended. write. it. on. your. calendar.
I’m leaving out the fact that my *uncles* all remembered the date. If I’ve said it enough that the dudes remember…
Anyway, I’ve also been invited to weddings where I wasn’t on the save the date list. I knew save the dates went out, so I assumed I wasn’t invited and didn’t plan for it. When I got an (already opened) invitation two weeks before the wedding, it was obvious I was on the B list, and I already had plans. Hence my point – if you’re going to do them, finalize your list first.
Sidenote: if you thought *this* was a rant, maybe it’s good I took out, “no, I’m not hosting houseguests the weekend of OUR wedding,” and, “yes, Grandma, you have to stand the ENTIRE TWO HOURS in between the wedding and reception, even though part of that time, you’ll be in a car, but whatever.” 😉
Wedding planning queen says
Great instincts – except for the part about asking family and friends to cook. This is good only for the most informal of weddings. Plus we don’t mention the meal or what to expect on the invitation. This is where a nice wedding website may come in handy.
KissMyTulle says
It does not bother me at all to ask friends and family to help cook. If you are hosting an informal or casual wedding – this is totally appropriate. And informing people on the invitation at that ceremony will be followed by “dinner and dancing” is also okay – it’s a wedding people. Not rocket science.