The Ranty Bride: In-Laws. Can I Throw Out A Question To The Readers?

Seriously, I need advice.

Someone said once that Twitter makes you want to get drinks with people you've never met. Facebook? Makes you want to throw drinks at people you know.

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Image Courtesy of: The Hacker News

I am REALLY trying to get to some level of peaceful coexistence with my in-laws. If there's one thing they're good at, its saying and doing socially inappropriate things. The boy's used to it by now but it makes me very uncomfortable. However, they're 600 miles away, so despite all of the issues there, you'd figure the distance would at least make things more tolerable, right?

If I only had to deal with the in-laws once or twice a year, I could get over his sister making an uncomfortable, critical spectacle about my ring. I could get over his nieces and sister calling the husband the 'rich uncle' and whining when he won't buy them things. I'll eventually forgive the MIL for making our wedding all about her, hijacking our photographer, and halting the rehearsal dinner to go on and on and on about, basically, her. I'll try to get over his sister talking all kinds of shit about my sister and giving her the Stink Eye throughout the whole wedding and reception.

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Image Courtesy of: Online Social Media

But, now, thanks to Facebook, I get to see them in all their glory every single day. There's the cousin who posts photos of her daughter's bowel obstruction, then complaining about the lines at the WIC office and the long wait in the emergency room because her third daughter has a cold and none of the three have a pediatrician or regular check-ups, oh, but the paternity test came out the way she wanted because the last kid was her husband's after all. So sad for those kids. There's his sister joking about her 19 year old DAUGHTER'S sex life, and not, "Get pregnant and I'll kill you, HA HA just kidding," but joking about her and some random dude having sex. Together. With a WINKY face.

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Image Courtesy of: Law Actually

His mother is going on about how 'cute' it is when the 14 year old niece posts photos of her all up ons some shirtless boy. My grandmother? Would be HORRIFIED if I did that at 30! His sister complains about how annoying it is to have to go to WEDDINGS (um, ours), or how annoying it is that she has to learn how to give her daughter injections because SHE WAS JUST DIAGNOSED WITH DIABETES. His mom constantly complains about there's nothing worse than farm-city-cafe-world-ville-whatever not working on any given day and harasses people when they post about any event they didn't invite her to, or anything they bought that she can't afford.

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Image Courtesy of: The Gloss

Then there's all the comments about how poor they are, even though no one seems to have any interest in, you know, working, and even though they are paying a second mortgage for some vacation trailer, and buying fishing boats, and drinking a lot, and always going shopping.

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Image Courteys of: Thoughtpick

My therapist? Told me to block all of them. The boy asked me to block them so there would be some chance I'd still like them. So, I removed them from my feed one by one in an attempt to stop wanting to THROTTLE THEM on a daily basis.

The problem? I have three people marked as 'close friends', so I get notified every time my sister, BFF, or husband post something. My husband posts funny and interesting things. Things I like to read, or look at. Today, I clicked on the notification that he posted a link about buying Packers stock (wtf? I don't understand, because, you know, the Browns are a factory of sadness). And, what do I get? There's his mother, whining about how he didn't buy her some with a :-(((((((((. What's up with the extra '((((((('?

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Image Courtesy of: She Knows

Seriously, loyal readers, I don't know what to do. I know this is a first world problem, and people are starving in the Sudan. Overall, I'm blessed. But, Facebook is ruining any desire to want to have a relationship with my in-laws, and that is putting a strain on my relationship with my husband.

I can't delete them because they'll throw fits about that – his mom threw enough of a fit and got pissed at me when we asked her not to blast out our news for us, so I can't imagine she will just not notice if I'm no longer her friend, and she's bound to get pissed if her son tells her I blocked her to try to salvage my relationship with her. I like being on Facebook so I can keep in touch with my friends, so I don't want to let them drive me off of it. I've been on there since you needed an .edu address! What do I do, block my husband now? I'm at a complete loss.

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Image Courtesy of: Business Insider

I feel stupid asking for advice about Facebook, but here I am. So, what do I do?

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  • I deleted N’s mom and sister and blocked his grandmother and aunt from coming up in my newsfeed. We stopped talking to his sister after a whole lot of drama occurred, so no one blamed me for not wanting to deal with her (she also posted really inappropriate, vulgar things and I felt embarrassed just reading them). I deleted his mom because she was always commenting on stuff her daughter posted. So when she asked N why I deleted her, and not just N’s sister, he explained that her postings kept linking back to the sister and that I couldn’t handle what she posted. Sister is completely offended and pretty much hates me now, but I don’t consider it a big loss because N is so embarrassed by her that he pretends she’s not his real sister. And mom got over it, we still talk in real life (though infrequently) and don’t need to get into each other’s personal life.

  • I’m a sales rep for a skin care company and my MIL is one of my accounts. She tried to get me in trouble with my boss after the wedding, and when I confronted her about it she told me that she just can’t work with family and our work relationship was ruining her relationship with her son. BUT she said she still wanted to get to know me no a personal level. I let her get everything off her chest, told my boss I would be handling her account through emails (per her request) and then wrote her a very polite email saying that if she wanted to get to know me I was fully willing and able to do so outside of Facebook, but I didn’t think communicating solely through the internet was beneficial. I then unfriended her, her husband and her daughter. She was upset for a little while, but she couldn’t argue with my reasoning. Now things are ok but she still treats me as an outsider. She did the same thing to my husband’s first wife though so I don’t let it bother me. Life is too short to spend it being unhappy on Facebook. By blocking the problem people you can enjoy your husband’s posts and they will eventually get over it. You can always tell them that you closed your Facebook account.

  • You tried your therapist’s advice and blocked them. and yet they keep creeping in to make you miserable. At what point do you just decide you aren’t going to like the in-laws, and vice versa? that no matter what you do, they make you nuts and it just isn’t worth it?

    I’m sorry Liz – I just don’t see a situation here that will make everyone happy. If you still see their comments on FB, it isn’t making you happy, and it isn’t going to magically make you say “hey, I like them now!”. I think that’s a bit naive of your boy (sorry boy!).

    I say you do whatever you need to do that will allow you to be polite and respectful when you absolutely have to interact with them. Of course, talk it out with the boy, and he’s got to back you up. If he doesn’t, that’s an issue to resolve first and foremost. Sorry you are dealing with this!!

  • I deal with a minor version of this, myself. Keep rolling your eyes, and Thank God you don’t have to deal with them that much. It’s comedy. I mean, seriously, posting your daughter’s paternity results on Facebook? You can’t make this stuff up!

  • Thanks so much, ladies. I appreciate the support. It seems silly to get worked up about Facebook, but I think Allie kind of nailed the key issue – the Boy wants me to like them, and, based on my experience so far, I don’t. I find it hard to believe they like me much, either. If nothing else, thy don’t know me.

    We live 600 miles away. We already knew we don’t have much in common and have drastically different value systems. The fact that 99.9% of the interactions I have with them are via what they post on Facebook only makes it worse. I mean, Facebook posts have changed how I view coworkers and friends I know well and like otherwise. If we have polar opposite viewpoints about what’s socially acceptable, only interacting via Facebook isn’t going to end well no matter WHO it is.

    Unfortunately,the Boy sees them wanting to interact with me – sadly, only through Facebook – and I still don’t like them, so it hurts him, and I’m sad for him about that. But blocking them might be the only option to save any chance of a relationship, unless they suddenly develop a filter that tells them, “Maybe I shouldn’t broadcast my bad parenting skills to the world.”

    Personally, I wonder if part of what causes so much strife for him is that he’s kind of realizing that it’s tough to be super-friendly with someone who’s a crappy parent, or is the next Eeyore, or is a public gossip, and that’s challenging HIS opinions, not mine. But, that’s me and my amateur psychological evaluation for you.

  • get off facebook! seriously, that is your only solution. I was going to say block them, but since that didn’t work and you do have to deal with these people for life you need to get off the ‘book. it isn’t that great anyways.