Wedding Wednesday: The Name Change Game Part Deux

Soooo, remember way back when I declared my post-marriage name change (from Cris Stone to Cris Stone-The Boy)? Yeah… about that.

032112-a

But I didn’t mean to! Hear me out – when I made that declaration, I truly did believe that hyphenating my name was the best thing to do. See, at the time my ultra-modern boyfriend was pretty damn stuck on me sharing his last name. I was pretty hooked on keeping mine. After lots of discussion (“I’m not property” versus “It’s easier with military documents”), we compromised and it was decided that I would hyphenate. As with most compromises, neither of us was particularly happy about it but whatever.

IMG_2278
Image Courtesy of: Amber Westerlund

Then my dad got sick, we got married almost a whole year before we were supposed to, and then my dad died. And I? Was (and am still) completely shell-shocked. And apparently, completely attached to my name. I’ve always been ferociously attached to my last name because my biological father left my mom when I was born – because I was a girl. Two years later she married a wonderful man who fought to adopt me and my sisters and give us his last name. I have never, ever forgotten the moment in the courtroom when it became official. And I’ve loved my last name ever since.

But, I was willing to compromise because it was so important to him and we basically see eye-to-eye on everything else. Hyphenated name? Sure. Fine. I’ll give in because sometimes compromise means that neither of you is completely happy with your decision but neither of you loathes it enough to call the whole thing off.

From cris our trip 140_edited-1

Then last year happened and I just couldn’t do it. I could not change my name. I don’t know if it was because it was a whole year before I was planning on doing it or maybe it’s because I’m super attached to anything involving my dad right now or maybe I’m just using those things as an excuse to get my way. For whatever reason, I can’t do it.

And The Boy, well. He appears to be okay with it. In fact, when we went car shopping a few weeks ago he gave the salespeople my name name. Good sign of the future or biding his time until after our May wedding to bring it up? Who knows… I’ll share once I figure it out, too. In the meantime, for those of you who will be doing the name change thing, here's a handy little download to help you do it:

Download Kiss My Tulle The Name Change Game

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

  • I’m not changing my name either, for several reasons, but mostly because like you I am super attached to my name! I think women our age are more hesitant to change their names verses women who are getting married in their early 20’s. Just follow your gut instinct with it, it won’t lead you astray!

  • Thats so great to have a man step in when the sperm donor bounced. My grandfather was like my Dad. He did all the things a Dad should do. I have his middle name and its going to be hella hard but i plan on keeping my whole name when i get married. So I will have four names with the last 2 hyphenated 😉

  • I fully intended to change my name but once we were married, I couldn’t do it. My Dad died when I was 13 & it turned out my last name was an important attachment to him. But things changed recently (one year & three months after our wedding) as we decided to start a family. I realized I wanted to share the same last name as my kids & I just changed my name two weeks ago. I’m glad I took my time because it feels good & right.

  • What great story about your Dad. What a man he must have been. I do agree with you completely, about keeping your last name as is. It can be a tough decision for some.
    When I divorced after being married for 22 1/2 years, I kept the ONLY thing my former did NOT want me to have. His last name. It was my children’s name. I worked in a school and everyone knew me as that.
    Now that I have remarried and moved to Florida, I did change my name and it is okay now.
    Thanks for sharing. I know that others will find your situation inspiring.