It’s that time of year, y’all. When holiday cards are being mailed and epic newsletters are being written. Remember those? The entire time I was growing up, my mom would create one of these paper masterpieces every year to send out with our (painfully awkward) Christmas photo card. Using 1980’s clip art and the art of exaggeration, my mom would pen an epic rundown of our family’s year. Everyone used to do this but the advent of social networks has made the old habit almost obsolete. However, I’ve noticed that few people are still out there – hanging on to this age old tradition. And these same people are still lyyyyyyyyying through their teeth about the their “accomplishments” and humblebragging the crap out of every. single. little. thing. I mean, really, people. Like we all can’t read between the damn lines. In fact, I’m so over these “Aren’t I Better Then You” manifestos that, this year, I’ve decided to write my own. Completely unpolished and unapologetic.

If Holiday Newsletters Were Real